I don't kow about all of you but, over the years, I have developed a "routine" on assuring Dad knows I have to pee or poo and allow him time to "give a chin a helping hand" and get me out before I explode. When heeded, the ECS (Emergency CHINcasting System) is very effective. Like any other early warning system, if its ignored... disaster looms a possibility!! Here is the very tried and true routine I use...
Level 1 (Minor Disturbance)- I like to announce my issue by knocking (pawing) on the bathroom door. I know this is where this sort of tranaction is handled in the house, so I will scratch on the door... then hunt Dad out and give him the "Stink eye" to enforce the brewing stew of danger!
Level 2 (Escalated and Armed)- If the first volley is not successful, I must escalate the issue. This is accomplished by barking a shrill "ARF". This is a very distinct bark that has been loosely translated to "HEY, ASSHOLE!!!". After the audible effort, I will retap my warning on the bathroom door, then I will walk up to Dad and scratch a message on his leg! Its my way to say "Strike two, Dude... if we reach Strike three, its a game nobody wins".
Level 3 (DefecationCon 1)- Hopefully Dad has handled this pending doom long before we've reached this serious stage. If not, this is "Last Chance, Charlie" and requires immediate attention. I forego the knock on the bathroom door and go straight for the front door. I knock on the front door, walk over to Dad and give him the UBER stink eye, followed by a BARK that would translate to "REALLY????" This is not repeated more than twice. After that... my duty to warn has ended.
Beyond this, I'm not sure what the old man wants. I'm hardly in the position to walk up, sit next to him and say "Oh Father... Father Dear! I shant disturb you lest it be dire straights for this most delicate situation. It appears my poo is blowing an ill wind down the path of least resistance and we are nearing the time where I will not be able to hold my water! Oh Father... with much haste we should evacuate to the green and soft grass of the pooping fields before I soil myself and the floor around me!"
I figure the three headed alert system gives Dad ample chance to get to a commercial, finish the lame story he's retelling to Mom for the 49th time, swallow the current bite of whatever he's eating and not sharing with me, put down the laptop and DO THE JOB HE SIGNED UP TO DO!!
Is it my fault he is the only one I will let take me out???? Well... yes, maybe it is... but thats not what we are here to talk about! I look at it this way, I don't make him wait to go to the bathroom. However, if I could get in there and sit on the toilet... you can bet I'd take my sweet time, read a magazine and just have some ME time.
AH... to be human for a day!
Level 1 (Minor Disturbance)- I like to announce my issue by knocking (pawing) on the bathroom door. I know this is where this sort of tranaction is handled in the house, so I will scratch on the door... then hunt Dad out and give him the "Stink eye" to enforce the brewing stew of danger!
Level 2 (Escalated and Armed)- If the first volley is not successful, I must escalate the issue. This is accomplished by barking a shrill "ARF". This is a very distinct bark that has been loosely translated to "HEY, ASSHOLE!!!". After the audible effort, I will retap my warning on the bathroom door, then I will walk up to Dad and scratch a message on his leg! Its my way to say "Strike two, Dude... if we reach Strike three, its a game nobody wins".
Level 3 (DefecationCon 1)- Hopefully Dad has handled this pending doom long before we've reached this serious stage. If not, this is "Last Chance, Charlie" and requires immediate attention. I forego the knock on the bathroom door and go straight for the front door. I knock on the front door, walk over to Dad and give him the UBER stink eye, followed by a BARK that would translate to "REALLY????" This is not repeated more than twice. After that... my duty to warn has ended.
Beyond this, I'm not sure what the old man wants. I'm hardly in the position to walk up, sit next to him and say "Oh Father... Father Dear! I shant disturb you lest it be dire straights for this most delicate situation. It appears my poo is blowing an ill wind down the path of least resistance and we are nearing the time where I will not be able to hold my water! Oh Father... with much haste we should evacuate to the green and soft grass of the pooping fields before I soil myself and the floor around me!"
I figure the three headed alert system gives Dad ample chance to get to a commercial, finish the lame story he's retelling to Mom for the 49th time, swallow the current bite of whatever he's eating and not sharing with me, put down the laptop and DO THE JOB HE SIGNED UP TO DO!!
Is it my fault he is the only one I will let take me out???? Well... yes, maybe it is... but thats not what we are here to talk about! I look at it this way, I don't make him wait to go to the bathroom. However, if I could get in there and sit on the toilet... you can bet I'd take my sweet time, read a magazine and just have some ME time.
AH... to be human for a day!